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Tara Syed

Finding balance in the criss-cross of cultures


The western philosophy of life believes in individualism, independence, logic and reasoning whereas eastern philosophy is grounded in collectivism, spirituality and connectedness.


What happens when the norms of life of the east and west don’t sync. How does that affect the personal, familial and social equilibrium. In my clinical practice, I have seen many children, youth adults and families struggling with identity, purpose of life, role confusion while trying to live both eastern and western ways of life.

Sometime back I was working with an adolescent girl who lived with her parents and another sibling. The parents were traditional and distinctly spiritual. The parents were immigrants and were quite successful in the new country . They took great pride in their culture, faith and philosophy of life in general. However their daughter when she reached adolescence began searching for her identity,she began questioning many aspects of her life namely her sexual orientation, her gender identity, faith, dressing, dating. She struggled with trying to make sense of her family’s eastern values vs.her emerging and developing western values. She felt conflicted and confused about the ideas of individualism vs. collectivism.


Her inner turmoil started affecting her academics, social relations as well as her physical appearance, sleep and eating patterns. Not only this, she was getting into conflict with her parents. She was visibly struggling and caught in between two cultures and two philosophies. Her parents expected complete submission and conformity and she was seen as a rebel in the making.


The question therefore was, why was there such a disconnect between the parents and the child?

Is there anyway to find a middle ground between the values, culture of east and west?


In counselling sessions while it is important to be culturally competent. It is equally important to start from where your client is at. Counselling doesn’t mean imposing a therapist’s ideas, values and principles on clients but it’s a process of helping and guiding a client and providing increased insight and learning how to effectively overcome difficulties and challenges.

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