Some years ago, I was approached by a parent seeking counselling support for her son who was experiencing socio emotional difficulties following the separation of his parents. The parent wasn’t too sure if he would open up to me.
I met with the ten year old boy, and I was not surprised when he opened up to me almost instantaneously, it seemed as he was waiting to connect with someone who would listen to him patiently. Without any inhibitions he shared his emotional turmoil having to live out of a suitcase, feeling torn between his parents, hoping and dreaming that one day his parents will reunite and they would all live happily thereafter. He shared that he felt distracted at school and constantly worried about his father. He shared how he had been having some difficulties with peers at school.
Parental separation and divorce is a major life event for a child. It causes serious stress and may impact on how your child learns and understands relationships. In the formative years this life event could affect how his core beliefs are formed which may affect his choices and decisions related to relationships in later years. The stress from the family break up could be traumatic for some children and could impact their overall health and well-being. This transition could affect them in all spheres of their life namely school, friends, community participation, faith/spirituality. Typically boys tend to exhibit externalizing behaviors like anger, defiance and aggression. While girls tend to exhibit internalizing behaviors like isolation, withdrawal, emotional outbursts.
During counselling/therapy meetings with parents, I typically help them to continue to be caring and supportive figures in their child's life, develop a co-parenting plan. Continue to provide unconditional love, support and be there for the children. In therapy meetings, parents work on addressing socio-emotional needs of their children and assuage their feelings. Provide children reassurance that they would always be there for their child. It is important for parents to keep children out of adult business, refrain from saying negative stuff about each other. Not forcing their child to take sides. Parents can help their child understand that they (children )are not responsible for the decision of their parents.
Please seek professional help for child if you are concerned about any of the above.